What do you even start to say, after a year like this.
While I have in just about every relevant way moved on from my past a while back, at the time I did allow myself one last opportunity to write about it: Today, the anniversary. Consider this my heart’s last, simple meditation on it.
It was four and a half years of joys and firsts. Finding a kindred soul, sharing the first kiss, holding each other while watching the setting sun. It was everything a love story was made out of. There was passion, there was kindness, there was stars in our eyes.
But there were deep flaws in both of us, and I failed in many small ways and large ways, so that when the violent testing came the foundation was broken, because I didn’t put Christ first in my life.
Today, I find myself with a faith that grows day by day like a fire, and I know that I am a better man. I still have things I’m maturing in, but I’m far from the boy I was condemned me to be.
Looking back, I see how the relationship reached a point where God had to prune it from me and lift me up to the fire to make me grow. It was painful, hard, and I was driven to my edge. But it worked. And now I stand in the fact that God is my victory, and He is here. I have full confidence every day, and I am now the master of my emotions where once I was subservient to them. I know how to lead, and I am slowly learning more and more wisdom as the days go by.
I don’t know where you are, and I know you’ll never see this. But this morning I prayed that wherever you are, that God would bless you in a thousand different ways this day, so that you would know His grace and goodness all the more than you already do. You love others with all your heart, and my prayer is that you continue to grow in pouring into others, that they may know a living and true God.
I also pray bitterness has left your heart, and that one day you can forgive me. Not for my sake, because I carry peace in my heart, but for your sake, so that you may know what freedom feels like: a wind that carries you Home.
I suppose that’s all I can think of to say. Life goes on, and I have finals and a summer in Branson to look forward to. Consider this post me commemorating a milestone of what God has wrought in my life.
I look forward not to what God will do this next year, but tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. Because after today, no more milestones.
Just life, by faith, through love.
